NOTE: From time-to-time I will veer away from stories about not finding a chef job, getting kicked out of my apartment, and eventually becoming a crack whore (which won't work either, because -- seriously -- who's gonna pay for a 49-year old crack ho? That kinda defeats the purpose of getting a crack ho, right?) to write about food business, celebrity chefs, and food related pop culture.
The title of this blog was not a rhetorical question. Seriously, do they have a purpose?
I mean, they like to run around telling everyone they're vegans, joining PETA, screaming for animal rights, and babbling on about how humans weren't meant to, and shouldn't, eat animals (vegetarians too, they just aren't as bad). So they are no real use towards the greater good.
Because on a planet where a good chunk of the HUMAN population is starving every day, extolling the virtue of not eating animals or anything from animals isn't helping the situation.
Unless you are a Buddhist monk -- they have a purpose. They are on an endless quest for enlightenment. They practice and perfect martial arts to balance the mind and body. They inspired decades of kick-ass movies from Hong Kong to Hollywood. And the world would be a slightly darker place if they hadn't shown David Carradine how to whip bad-guys asses all over the old west on TV's "Kung Fu" (and then he died masturbating while choking himself -- he should have listened to those monks a little harder -- no pun intended)
Vegans, on the other hand, just annoy people. They talk about how meat gets lodged in the digestive track for years. I'm sorry, the human body is perhaps the most efficient machine on Earth (until we build a better one that turns on us and will eventually enslave all humanity). That reasoning may work for the people who make money shoving a garden hose up your ass. But saying the Whoppers I ate five years ago is still in my colon ain't flying here!
And don't even mention Animal Rights to my face. Because until black people, gay people, poor people, Latin people, women people, disabled people, 3rd world people -- and a bunch of other people -- get enough FUNCTIONING rights (not just on paper or in a speech) so that no one needs to even ask about their rights anymore, I'll buy my mom a Spotted Owl Feather Hat to go with her Panda Bear Fur Coat to wear to church on Sunday!
Let's be honest -- outside of those who are vegans for religious and spiritual reasons (or they are poor and have no choice) -- who are most vegans? Spoiled kids of rich white folks. Yeah, I said it. Tell me I'm lying.
How many vegans are you going to find in the back roads of West Virgina? Tell your white coal-mining parents you are a vegan. Your mom will shove deer jerky in your mouth, and if your dad ain't drunk, he'll wash it down with PBR beer mixed with beef squeezin'. And poor-working black parents in the inner city? Your mama will just say -- "I guess 'vegan' is some Chinese word for: you better eat them pork chops before I beat the vegetables outta you. Actin' like some rich white kid! Shiiiiiit! Boy, you done gone lost your damn mind!"
So I have not found a purpose for vegans. Except that, in the world of food, they just are crazy. Much like fundamentalist Christians. It's not enough that you believe in God. You have to believe in God THEIR way, or else! Yes, vegans are the fundamentalist Christians of food.
You try to ignore them. But they never seem to go away.
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Wait, you go to church on sundays?? I can see you rollin up in a feather pimp hat.. would be rather hot!
ReplyDeleteoh dear. must be those toxins floating around in your system that are making you cranky. kidding!
ReplyDeletewanna hear how i became a vegan? i stumbled into it. someone had to TELL me that i was a vegan. i didn't know what that word meant.
so how did it happen? i had a crappy year last year. it's safe to say that it was THE WORST year of my life. when i started to see the light at the end of the tunnel (as evidenced by my scaling back from two therapists to just one!!!), i decided to embark on a cleanse. not to lose weight, not to prove anything...but because i felt moved to. i wanted to slow down and look inward. i wanted to rid my psyche of all the grief and stress i'd been immersed in. i also wanted to stop relying on the crutches i'd used to cope for the last year. to wit:
(1) my twice a day mcdonald's habit (i have to thank your sister for very lovingly staging an intervention - she just showed up at my house one day with a bag of healthy groceries...72 hours later, i was thinking clearly again)
(2) the whiskey i drank every night - i even resorted to breaking into my roommate's stash during a particularly low period.
(3) the ice cream i consumed by the pint to induce a dulled down 'food coma' state.
i started off thinking i'd do the cleanse for 10 days. much to my surprise, i barely made it through the first 3. never one to admit defeat, i stuck with it. i'd tell myself to tough it out until day 6...and then i'd decide to go to day 10...then day 14 etc. etc. i told myself i would stop when i felt ready. before i knew it, i had cleansed for 28 days.
ReplyDeleteso, after not consuming anything but lemonade for 28 days, you don't just jump back straight into eating. you start slowly...gradually adding a different food back in every couple of days. for me, it was really a case of just NOT adding certain things back in. if i didn't miss it, crave it or like it, i didn't bother eating it.
i never cared for dairy (i hate milk and cheese) and though i'd been living on ice cream and gelato, it always made my stomach hurt. a lot. i've literally never cooked meat or fish or chicken - can't handle dealing with it raw....eek! right before the cleanse i'd been eating so many eggs that i started to smell funny...i'm serious :-/ it was like they were coming out of my pores...so eggs never made it back on my menu. after drinking sweet lemonade for 28 days, i never wanted to look at anything sweet ever again. all i wanted when that cleanse was over was celery and hummus. i stopped eating processed sugar and didn't miss it. savory all the way. to this day, i still like to salt my fruit.
i was basically left eating food that i LOVE (that makes me feel good after i eat it): veggies, fruit, nuts, legumes, pulses...some soy here and there. i mostly eat raw (primarily because i don't cook) and generally stay away from anything too processed. if i don't know how to pronounce it or what it does, i don't need it. i'm not a saint. i like potato chips, but i look for the ones that list: potato, oil and salt as the ingredients.
i feel great. i don't own a scale, but i can tell by the way my clothes fit and the comments i get from people that i've lost some weight. not a day goes by where someone doesn't tell me that i'm glowing. they ask what i'm doing. i usually just tell them that i stopped drinking. occasionally (and only in the right company) i mention that i'm a vegan too.
now i don't advocate veganism (or anything for that matter). to each his own. i cannot tell you how much unsolicited advice i was given during my cleanse (and after). i wasn't big on telling people what to do before, but after that experience, i will never tell anyone what to do about anything. EVER.
those poor animals....the planet? oh yea...i guess i should think about that. i'm an actor (or do you say actress...lol!) so of course i'm really only concerned with how what i eat makes ME feel.
i ramble. i don't drink. i don't eat sugar. i'm a vegan. i don't eat wheat either. you should do what makes you happy and what makes you feel good. the end.
This blog doesn't really apply in your case misslily. Because I didn't even know you were a vegan until I read your comment here. That flies totally in the face of the vegans i hate who can't SHUT UP about being vegans, and try to tell everyone how better they are (you know, like Prius drivers).
ReplyDeleteYou're more like the monks, where it serves a purpose.
Oh, also -- my ex was an Actor. I made the mistake only ONCE of referring to her as an "actress" in front of her.