Chicago, It's, Like, OMG, Seriously! Time To Get Over It

Chicago, I love you. Spent half my youth here (1/3 of being "the Midwestern Boy, born and bred" -- Iowa, Illinois, Indiana). Love the buildings, love the sports teams, love the people, hate the CTA, love Vienna Polish Sausage (hands down, one of the best things in the world -- take that Osaka's Octopus Balls!).

So trust me Chicago when I say, and I mean no disrespect, it's time to get over it.

When it comes to the restaurant scene (amoung other things), you will never be New York. Okay?

What triggered this plea was a couple of minor incidents while on my quest for a position in a high-end kitchen. It was no big deal (one of them I'll write about in the future), but when coupled with other incidents in the past two years, I sensed a pattern. Almost a snide, "oh, you worked on the East Coast" dismissive reaction. I always pretty much knew where it came from, and accepted it. But now it's getting pretty goddamn annoying.

Now I was going to use an analogy that involved F. Scott Fitzgerald and literary characters. Then I remembered this blog targets restaurant people. So I decided to use a more fitting analogy:

High School girls.

Chicago, you're like the cute-as-hell, smart, athletic, sweet-with-a-little-sassy, popular girl. You're the Sandra Bullock of cities. And though you're happy with that, you still hold a deep jealous tinge at New York City. Because New York is the smokin' hot, rich, super-popular, does-what-she-wants-because-who's-going-to tell-her-"no" chick. New York is the Angelina Jolie of cities.

All the boys want to talk to New York, and she knows it. So she doesn't talk to any of them, until she wants too. New York tosses aside the boys she grows bored with, and some of them come talk to Chicago. This doesn't make Chicago mad, because these are cool and cute boys, but she can't quite get past the whole sloppy-seconds feeling.

Now, Chicago is fine with Los Angeles. Because even though L.A. is super-hot and popular like New York, everybody knows she's not too smart and kind of a skank. Always walking around in the pink half t-shirt with glitter and the word "Juicy" on the front. L.A. gets out of control, and always needs attention. Which is why she got caught screwing around with her best friend San Diego's boyfriend.

Miami's cool too, because she doesn't care about New York or L.A. She's Miami, and kiss her ass if that ain't enough. Washington, D.C. only cares about New York when it's time to go shopping. Her dad's some super-rich lawyer and let's D.C. do whatever she wants. Boston hates New York. But Boston hates anybody who doesn't listen to her talk about herself. San Francisco just ignores New York, because she's too concerned about saving the Earth. New Orleans always has too much drama going on to even think about New York. Seattle wishes New York would be her friend. But Seattle listens to depressing music, no fashion sense, and always has a bad perm.

Don't even bother to bring up Dallas, Cleveland, Detroit, Phoenix, Denver, Philadelphia (New York's little sister), St. Louis, Kansas City, Baltimore (South Park's "Kenny" to D.C.), or Atlanta. Chicago knows those cities wished they were her.

With all the things invented in here, with all the innovations in food created here, with the Blackhawks going to the Stanley Cup Finals after decades of waiting -- Chicago is not sloppy seconds to any stuck up bitch.

SO PLEASE -- quit pretending like you know that, and start BELIEVING you know that!

Be more like Miami.